Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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