so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
