My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
