I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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