Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
