is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
