Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
