I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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