So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
FUCK WHALES
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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