So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
