I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
