and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
