Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
