At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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