im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
