Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
