go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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