I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
