just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
