I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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