happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
