Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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