in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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