I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
