my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You've changed since you got that strap on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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