last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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