The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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