I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
