Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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