He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
