you would pick up someone in the library
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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