Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I fill condoms, not promises.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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