I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
