the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
