youre lurking in front of me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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