Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
