she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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