after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All the doctor said was why
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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