I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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