it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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