i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
