drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
