I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
