Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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