Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
