i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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