I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
