I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
