I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
