between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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