I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
