the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
